Friends & “Friends”

There are certain words that I believe are used too loosely in which the true context is slightly misconstrued at times. I find it difficult at times to understand what people may mean when they use these words out of context. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying at this point. I believe that people use certain words, then as their stories continue, you get the feeling that the subject matter isn’t really done justice by the words that they are using.

One such word is friend. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have a very small and close knit group of friends that I trust and would do anything for in a moment’s notice. I have been even more fortunate to make a friend like that here in Houston, which is really odd because normally it takes a long time to develop that relationship and bond. I am very trusting and I guess optimistic when it comes to friendship. I also consider myself a fairly decent judge of character. However, there have been the less-than-occassional times when those people surprise me one way or another saying or doing things that I would have never in a million years expected that changes my view of them.

I have recently experienced someone using the word “friend” to describe someone that was considered a friend, but as time went along, was pretty much anything but a friend with regards to how I would define a friend. Let me go back for one minute and tell you what I consider a good friend. I would think the following words are good adjectives to describe a true friend: honest, loyal, open, willing, able to constructively critisize, genuine, and accepting. Notice how the following words are NOT included: dishonest, gossip, back-stabbing, fake, hurtful, and spiteful.

I was sitting somewhere the other day and was listening to a conversation that was happening right behind me. The girl was talking to a someone and was explaining how her friend did some kind of random activity. The conversation from this girl was generally positive. When the other person spoke and apparently disagreed with how great this person was, the girl’s attitude towards this person totally changed. It went from positive to completely gutter-trash negative. I was shocked to hear how someone could call this person a friend, then completely ripped the person to shreds two seconds later. The icing on the cake, and you know that you’ve either seen this or experienced it yourself, would have been if this individual would have called and the girl would have been really nice on the phone. I believe the saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?”

Why are some friendships like that? Are they really friendships at all? I believe that if I found out I had a friendship like that, I would not only be hurt, but angry. I wasted all that time, energy, and committment into something only to have someone tear it apart right out from under me. I wanted to go tell this person that her concept of a friend is totally out of whack with the general consensus of what the word means. However, if you think about it, how out of whack is it? We all know people that will be nice to someone in person, and then dog that person out later. I’m not talking about being respectful around that person, I’m talking about generally acting as if you are a friend and care about what is going on.

When did the word “friend” turn into a word that can be tossed around so loosely? I realize that there are various levels on the friend hierarchy…best friend, friend, friend of a friend, etc., but where does the bottom of that line get drawn? They need a new word to describe friends that act like a friend but then really aren’t. If you think of one, let me know.

Human Kindness

There is a line in a song by Better Middler’s “I Think It’s Going to Rain Today,” from the movie “Beaches” that has always caught my attention. The line is, “Human kindness is overflowing.” So it begs the question, is human kindness really overflowing?

There are times when we as individuals feel fantastic about doing things that help other people. I had a GREAT time volunteering at an event called “Zoo Boo” in which the local zoo handed out candy to kids. Not only was it for their safety, but it was a great way to promote animal education. So I enjoyed doing it. I am looking forward to walking in Relay for Life this April in memory of my uncle and good friend that passed away from cancer (Insert shameless plug here: if you’d like to donate, please go to https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=191437&supid=169202754). There are things that you do that gives you a great feeling.

I like the show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” I like it because it shows people helping others. Some of the shows actually do a pretty decent job of capturing the great part of the human spirit. I would hope that by people watching that, they’d actually want to go out and volunteer or do something that benefits someone other than themselves. That would be human kindness, right?

I write this because overall I think that unfortunately human kindness is not overflowing. I was part of a prime example yesterday. I was at Sam’s Club and was coming down on of the aisles. I always slow down and kind of look around the corner before I turn because it’s kind of tight. So after seeing nobody, I started to round the corner. Then out of nowhere, a lady flies around the corner looking behind her and almost hits me with her cart. When I said, “Yikes,” she turned around and quickly swerved and looked at me as if to say, “watch out.” So I apologized to her and smiled. This woman turned her head and kept on walking.

I am soooo thankful that God gave me the ability to have some common sense and common courtesy. Even though I didn’t feel as if I was in the wrong that time, I still apologized, made eye contact, and smiled. This woman, who I thought was in the wrong, kept on going and stared me down for a minute as if waiting to hear my apology. So what’s so wrong about slowing down, smiling, apologizing out of courtesy, and then moving on? Apparently to this woman, everything.

I have learned that “Southern Hospitality” and all that comes with it has not made it to certain parts of this country. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry or distracted with something else that nothing else matters except for them. It’s odd if you stop and think about it really. What is so important and overwhelming that you can’t smile at someone as you walk on by? Isn’t that human kindness? I really like having the ability to smile at someone when I walk by and say hello. It doesn’t take a lot of effort, it puts me in a better mood, and it may put the other person in a better mood.

There are things in life that happen that one could easily find nothing to smile about. There are times when God knows people just better get out of my way. I cannot stand feeling like that, but when I’m out in public, I’ll still smile and say hello. It perplexes me as to why people don’t make that simple gesture anymore. It’s kind of like not knowing your neighbors. Years back, I remember that we actually knew our neighbors. Nowadays, you’re lucky if you even know anything about them other than the kind of cars they drive.

There are people out there that all they do is volunteer. Whether it’s out of boredom or just sheer desire to help others, it’s what they do. Somehow, people think that they’re too busy to help other people and/or show what I consider to be common courtesy. I wish that it would be a requirement of citizenship that at least every six months people would have to volunteer for at least 3 hours doing something. Not only would it help other people, it may help change peoples’ attitudes about how to interact with others.

If nothing else, I wish people would be kinder to one another. Smiling and saying hello does not cost a penny, it does not cause pain and despair, and does not cause any personal loss. Being kind to someone isn’t going to ruin your day, it may even enhance it. If human kindness is indeed overflowing, where’s the overflow going? And if we are still human and not clones, why is it that we move along in our own little worlds as if we don’t realize there’s more out there staring blankly into space like an android?

Lifehouse Is GREAT!

Read the song lyrics for a song titled “Everything” and you may easily think that the song is a love song. Well, if you think that, you’d be wrong. The song was written about Jason Wade’s (lead singer) relationship with God. Though I’m not a big fan of Christian music, I love Lifehouse.

They have become a mainstream band by trying to separate themselves from the Christian music genre. Why you ask? Simple. The stigma that comes along with being a Christian artist. If you think that they’re wrong for doing it…think again. By doing what they have chosen to do, which is admit that they’re songs are mostly referring to their faith however distancing themselves from the Christian music genre, they have reached far more than any other Christian artist can ever dream of.

Though all may not know about this, who cares. Lifehouse is doing what they know how to, and do well…and that is making music that people listen to and enjoy, especially the younger generations that are into the mainstream music scene. Their songs are their way of honoring the “Man Upstairs” in a way that isn’t in your face. I myself do not care for most Christian music because it tells me the same thing over and over and over…that God is my salvation, God is great, all praise God, we’re going to heaven, etc. My personal faith is just that…I have faith in certain things and believe certain things.

Lifehouse has found a niche´. They are mainstream for all intents and purposes, but praise God in a unique way. Some may say it’s cowardly and not true to God. However, who is to say what they’re doing is wrong or right? Some Christians may say that they have turned their backs on Christian music. To them I’d say, “Absolutely Not.” Their music, although can be misconstrued for a love song of a person, is very passionate. They’re professing their love for God. If people want to interpret their music as love songs, what’s so wrong with that? After all, isn’t Christianity based on loving one another?

Though I don’t go to church actively, it doesn’t mean I don’t have faith. Just because Lifehouse doesn’t directly mention God in their songs doesn’t mean they don’t have faith. I hate, yes I mean hate, when I hear that just because people don’t go to church or don’t directlymention God in their respective arts or don’t wear a suit to church, they’re less of and/or not a true Christian. To those, I say look in the mirror and work on your house before you start trying to burn others’ houses down.

EVERYTHING

find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that’s leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you’re everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

cause you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything

you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything

you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything

you’re all I want
you’re all I need
you’re everything
everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

Update

The house is going well. Things are for the most part in order and all. I start work next Monday at a private school. I’ll be teaching math and social studies in middle school. Next year is looking like middle and high school english and history. I’m excited. It’ll be nice to finally have a paycheck too. I’m liking it more and more here. I’ve made some good, quality friends here, so that’s always a plus. It’s been hot and humid here and the bugs are out of control. I think that it’s because the lots on each side of the house are still vacant and full of trees and whatever else (snakes probably…ugh). So once those are down, hopefully the bug issue will let up a little. Things are good and I cannot wait for winter.